He Leads

Wednesday ( 7th January 2009 )
Ahh the awesome-ness. Let’s see.. I went to school on Wednesday to apply for temporary teaching and to give Jeremy my Form 4 text books and revision books.

I had this huge grin plastered on my face the whole time I was in school. I felt like a high school-er again!! And the joy of seeing all the Form 4s so frustrated over the classes they were placed in was so overwhelming. YES. I was indeed happy that they were frustrated. Not because I’m some evil witch or what la. But solely because God places people out of their comfort zone when He knows they are ready. =)

I feel so blessed. Truly. When I see how happy my juniors are when they see me, I feel like.. Ahh. Blissful-nye.

Also, the sight of school uniforms. Lol I feel like wearing it again. The days when we were standardize and not so materialistic. The days we didn’t need to think of what to wear. =)

Then, I zoomed my way to 5 Gamma. My old class!! Hasn’t changed much. So many familiar faces haha. Yeap. Passed my books to Jeremy and yeah I feel so glad that he’ll be using those books for the greater good. And he looked so happy when I passed him the books. Haha I just couldn’t stop smiling la k.

Hugged quite a number of my juniors. Yeap. Then, proceeded to the staff room. Oh my goodness. The feeling of holding my hand phone while talking to the teachers feels so weird!! ( especially when I was talking to Pn. Sherily ) So, before I went to meet Pn. Rose Chai, I had an awesome time talking to Pn, Christina, Pn. Rosemary and Pn. Sherily. I asked all of them why they chose to teach and really, God works through these woman of God.

After about 30-40 minutes sitting in the staff room, ( yeah I was already getting used to the air-conditioned room LOL *hint* ) Mr Jacob walked in and he passed by Pn Christina and I. ( I was sitting next to her by the way )

Me, “Hi MJ!!”

Him, *turns around* “Oh hi..” O___O

Hahahahaha. You should have seen the expression on his face.

Him, “Oh my goodness me and I thought you were one of the teachers.”

Pn Christina, “Oh she’s hoping to be.” =)

I decided that I better get going and catch Pn Rose Chai before she leaves. When I was still studying in SU, I would freely walk in and out of the office whenever I had to. But on Wednesday, when I walked in the office, the office lady stopped me. She asked me tons of questions and this was probably the point where I really felt that I have left school already.

In Malay, “Who are you?” , “Where are you from?” , “Why are you here?” , “Who do you want to see?” , “Go wait outside.”

:(

Anyhow, I saw Pn. Rose Chai and she told me that they already had three teachers in excess in school. I asked her several questions concerning teaching, thanked her and left. Somehow, I felt happy. In my previous post, I stated that it would be His will whether I get the job or not. Deep in my heart, I already knew that He was going to take me out of my comfort zone.

I went to the school’s koperasi to look for Pn. Ganes. Haha yeah guess what I asked her? The same question. =) “So teacher, why did you choose to teach?” So if you want her story, go ask her la k? Anyway, I shared with her about why I’m taking this career path and why I’m currently looking for a school that would accept me as a temporary teacher.

And guess what?

She called USJ12’s Penyelia Petang to ask if there’s vacancy for me!! Yeah oh my goodness lol. Anyway, this is completely out of my comfort zone. And, I’m ready. I want to put all my trust and totally surrender to Him. Yeap. And if you want to know what happens next, go check out USJ12 afternoon session by the end of January la k? xD

Well, I have no idea whether I’ll get the job. But all I know is that wherever I’m going right now, I’ll put my trust in the Lord.

Why I Chose To Teach
When I was young, my so-called dream was to be a Mathematics Teacher!! Why? Cause I was good in Maths. Haha. Yes that was the only reason. There were moments when I would stand in my room ( or toilet ) and “teach” the soft toys( or toilet wall ) while holding a pile of books(or the shower head as my “microphone” ).

However, as I grew up, I became very complicated. I started to think a lot. Think of all sorts of things la. Think of how people would judge me and how I would post a good impression on them. Hmm yeah. My desires of becoming a teacher faded away because I started to realize how scary it was to be in front of people. How people would judge you and how they would have all these negative thoughts in their heads if you just made one mistake. Peer pressure, low self-esteem, self-cautiousness, hmm yes probably.

So, my ambition diverted from being a teacher to a psychologist. Yeah the kind of psychology I’m picturing is the one-on-one kind? Psychology in Arts that is. Hm I realized that I was becoming very manipulative ( which is bad la duh ) as I spent more of my time thinking and analyzing.

I have to say, God has definitely given me the gift of popek-ing la. If you can call that a gift haha. For five years, I was so sure that I would be taking psychology. I was super determined. I even knew which college I was going to and how I would do the twinning program to America.( why America? Because it would be convenient for my parents since my sister’s studying there as well. And plenty of other reasons ) pss. I was Form 4

I planned everything out perfectly. Among my friends, I was the first to decide on my education after high school. Then, it was Career Day.( Form 5 ) The day when all the various colleges would come to school and set up their booths to promote the various courses they offered. I saw so many people rush to the booths of their interest. I don’t know but it hit me. I suddenly realized how self-centered and selfish we are. How we always think about what we want to do and what we like to do. During these moments, God didn’t seem to be of any significance to so many people.

Anyhow, I went around and scanned through everything I saw. After 4 months, most of my friends had already submitted their application letter to the various colleges of their interest. And now, I was one of the few among my friends who were undecided on what to do. ( ironic right? I was the first to decide back then )

My parents knew of my interest in doing psychology. We have a family friend by the name of Ivy. She took her Masters in Psychology in UK. Two weeks before her major exam, she suffered from spinal cord problems and had to go through quite a major operation. During her exam, she could not sit as it would affect her nerves. Though she did her exams standing, she graduated with First Class Honors. ( only 2 people in the whole university graduated with this )

Today, she’s married and working in UK. However, her job is completely unrelated to psychology. In UK, people would only want to employ their own people especially when it came to jobs that required communication skills. In M’sia, it’s near impossible to get a psychology related job. I mean, puh-lease la. If I told you that I was going to see a Psychologist, you would probably think I’ve gone kuku ( bonkers ) or something.

I had this list of doubts, questions and worries. Firstly, the psychology course is money and time consuming. Secondly, what if I ended up just like Ivy? I’ve read the psychology text book ( because my cousin used to take psychology as his minor ) and I disagree with a pot full of their principles. So, if I’m to grow up to be a psychologist, would I start applying these? Would I get too involved and engrossed in my job till the point where my job becomes bigger than my God? Would I become psycho because of my patient’s problems? ( ei seriously it has happened to tons of psychologists ) What if I had to work far far away from home? What if I don’t even get a job? pss. you’ve probably seen this somewhere in my blog because I’ve written this part before.

That week, I was not only undecided but confused and lost as well. I didn’t know what to do so I just prayed and submitted it to God. All I could ask for was really just directions.

Within that week, God used 4-5 people to speak to me. They all said the exact same sentence. Yes it was freaky and even when the first person said it, I was sure but extremely scared that it was God. “Ei Ann Ee, you should be a teacher or counselor la” ( yeah even the ‘la’ was included in all 4-5 people’s sentences. God sends messages to Malaysians using Malaysian style lol ) The first person who said it was my sister. And uh.. I know my sister doesn’t say this kinda stuff so I was very very shocked when she said it.

A day after the 5th person was done with his “……..”, it was time for CF. My very last official CF. Mr Jacob started sharing about how his ambition was to be a Hotel Manager. However, God closed all doors and showed MJ that He wanted him to teach. He said teaching was always last on his list but it was one of those things in life he was sure about. So, he took it and he surrendered it to God.

After 2 weeks or so, I went online and I happened to drop by Joshua’s blog. And he wrote this nice long entry about his experience in teaching at Lick Hung. ( click here ) Teaching!! I clicked on Rachel’s link through his blog and she too wrote this nice long entry about her experience in teaching at her Sunday School. ( click here ) I could only stare at my computer screen and say, “Okay God I know that’s you”.

My hands were very shaky by the time I walked back to my room. All I could think about was, “How am I going to achieve that?” I don’t know why but I started crying for some odd reason. And then, I called Pastor Gurmit. I told him everything that I went through and he said that when he prayed for me in camp, he already saw that in me. At that very moment, I thought about all the prophecies that had been said over me by various pastors and they all seem to fit the teaching role.

Pastor Gurmit, “English.”

I didn’t even ask him what subject he thought I should do!! I was planning to do Biology or Modern Mathematics. But again, my plans didn’t go the way I wanted it to.

So yeap. That’s why I’m teaching. What do I want to do? I want to do what God wants me to do. And that, will become what I want to do.

Isaiah 55:8-9
8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways My ways,”
declares the LORD.

9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

~ by caedda on January 9, 2009.